purblind jism

Sharing the Blame

Unlike last year's April Fool's Day parody, where I was responsible for 80-85% of the content, I contributed very little to Purblind Jism. If it counts for something, I did come up with "fellate my turtle in the ass with a soggy piece of overripe ham." Scott Lemieux concocted most of the rest of that post.

The Heretik, Hubris, Norbizness, Amanda Marcotte, and Chris Clarke all made major contributions. Assitance was provided by Michael Bérubé, Jill Filipovic, and Patriotboy. Like last year --and like most blogs-- the best entertainment may be found in the comment sections.

If they only had a brain ...

I did not say that anyone who crticizes the war is objectively anti-American and/or objectively pro-terrorism.  I said that anyone who disagrees with George Bush on any other issue and crticizes the war is objectively anti-American and objectively pro-terrorism.  Indeed, it is the Left, as they perniciously practice this particularly perilous putrid pandering epistemologically decentering form of multiculturalism, who are  obviously in league with the Islamocommienazi conspiracy; and whose allies in the MSM --those of whom piss on the graves of American soliders out of their sheer Leftist hatred for Chimpy McHitlerStrawmanBurton; and who continue to feed pies and cakes and cookies and sausage and fatty bacon and macaroons to the objectively rotund Michael Moore. 

As far as I'm concerned, they can all come over here and fellate my turtle in the ass with a soggy piece of overripe ham; they probably won't even have the common fucking decency to give him a reacharound!   And what's amazing is that some people on the Left, because they have the intellects of an obtuse gibbon, while claim that I have questioned their ill-conceived patrioitism. 

Will the Left ever stop their strawman burning?

DIY purblind jism

Unbeknownst to most of you, there is an elegant, yet cold sober formula employed --indeed, fueled by a pre-pubescent fixation with Mad Libs-- for the composition of all of my laboriously-crafted, post 911-related work. The components, some of which transcend the great divide crossed on March 19, 2003, usually include these rhetorical elements:

[Expression of faux-concern] [Undefined, possibly made up -ism] [Something that sounds like Ayn Rand after she hit her head on a coffee table] [Three chapter titles from a Dinesh D'Souza book] [Hitchensian Orwell invocation] [Hyperbolic consequence] [Something to make the commentors feel good about themselves]

The task of concocting one of my more serious missives poses more difficulty and distress than one can conceptualize from a casual reading of a typical purblind jism entry. However, if you have 7-minutes to spare and you're feeling up to this tedious undertaking, try your hand in the comments.

(h/t the ever-odious The Left)

An open question for "feminists"

I loathe identity politics--I believe I mentioned this in my acceptance speech for the Best Humor Blog Gold Medal at the 2004 Jewish & Israeli Blog awards, and I've discussed the spurious nature of identity politics at length in my series of posts on the need for increased organized advocacy for male reproductive rights--but I think that now is a good time to initiate a dialogue on the (lack of) rights of women in other parts of the world.

I've reviewed my archives, and I see that while I've mentioned the topic of the oppression of women in other countries several times, to demonstrate how women in America should stop whining--and ohsweetjesus, after a while their screeching caterwauling sounds like the worn Doobie Brothers eight-track I'd blast at Delta parties back in '78 while eating my tenth bowl of Cap'n Crunch after downing a bottle of SoCo--feminists never talk about these subjects, because they seem to be obsessed with "choice."

So I'll pose the question in good faith--why is that?  Is it because you're intellectually dishonest?  Or because you truly don't care about anyone but your pampered selves?

"Feminists," let's start the conversation!  What do you think?

"Centrist" future presidential candidate Hillary Clinton and erstwhile Facts of Life star Nancy McKeon discuss strategies for "improving" America while pretending they don't really want to turn our country into an erotic and effete Francophilic euro-hole

"Nancy, I think fiscally sound tax policies, increased troop strength and better pay in the context of a hawkish but well-planned foreign policy, and the consideration of different ways to extend health coverage to the uninsured will all pay dividends for our society in the long run.  I also think that we can respect all faiths while maintaining our traditional separation between government and religion."

"You'd really like to mow my lawn, wouldn't you, you sassy Marxist?  Because Blair and I did that once when we were stoned."

On a Sea of Guinness and Intolerance

This Jill Carroll Kerfuffle, wrapped inside an oompaloompah, is not fit for consumption by anyone. A question I contemplated as both my Guinness and Iran came to a head was this which to be clear is not that: Is the Islamocommienazi Jill Carroll a greater threat to America than the ilky not silky bane of boys to men meandering types like me—and this is the import– the feminintolerant to all but her kind “Marcotte?”

And who is hotter? “Carroll” or “Marcotte?” Lauren, Jill, sorry. Moving on. Plenty of Jeff to go around. And around.

"My very brief conversation with a pineapple-scented lotion bottle named Shirley": a purblind jism random discharge

Me:  "The computer is on. I'm ready to download."

Lotion Bottle: "Feh."

Me: "I'm ready to upload"

Lotion Bottle: "Not tonight. I'm tired. Of you."

Me:  "There are other bottles, you know."

Lotion Bottle: "Obviously."

Overheard inside a sandy bunker

First militant:  Ha!  Hasseen, the weaklings at CNN and the New York Times report on our malfeasance daily!  They give us strength, building our morale and increasing our ranks of recruits!  America will meet its downfall at the hands of its own traitors!

Second militant:  Dude, do you have internet access?

First militant:

Second militant:

First militant:  Well, I found a cracker the other day, that's close.

Scalia fingers the feminists

The hysterical leftist reaction to Justice Scalia's amusing reminder to the press that a little bit of piety is no reason not to remind the nation who's the boss is proceeding as expected.  I suspect the leftists don't know a good-natured ribbing when they see it, for one thing.  But this is just more evidence that the anti-Western, anti-civilization  feminist cabal has no "tolerance" for a robust symbol of hearty masculinity. No doubt Scalia's middle finger sent many a hysterical feminist running off to hide and wondering if she'd been visually "raped" by Scalia.

After all, the three or four feminist hangovers left who still snap their vaginas shut at the mere sight of a mighty man like Scalia just because their identity politics have led them into thinking something as foolish as overturning  Roe vs. Wade would hurt women specifically are no doubt so hysterical as to think that Scalia is thrusting his middle finger at them personally in a violent manner.  They simply must roll over and spread them for Scalia's brilliant legal mind, though, and I'd be happy to volunteer to take the photos. I always suspected that Jill was a snapper and I'd love to have evidence that she knows how to use it for more than upight P.C. whining.

But I have only this question to ask of the feminists: Isn't it right that 100 rapists go free rather than have the MSM stifle Justice Scalia's basic freedom of speech rights? My wife, who was after all a  women's studies major, supports the freedom of speech of justices, though do not mistake her for a pernacious civil liberties absolutist.   Isn't that the price of freedom?  Photographing Scalia flipping the bird is  un-American censorship, not that I'd expect any less from the identity politics harpies screaming for Scalia's head.  This is why I call myself a classical liberal, not that anyone can remember what I'm calling myself these days.  I support the free speech rights of theologically minded Supreme Court justices, and will personally set dozens of rapists out the streets to demonstrate this.

Freedom of speech?  Tolerance of would-be finger rape victims?  Does the Pope support phallic shows of power outside his church?  Would you rather meet a rapist in a dark alley or be the cause of the end of freedom of speech itself in the U.S.?

Amanda?  Jill?  Barry?  Roxanne?  Trish?  Cathy?  And Lauren (wherever you are…?)

***
UPDATE, 3:25:  It appears that Scalia has been a victim of non-identity politics anti-Italian-American illiberality.  He didn't throw the finger but instead made a charming Italian gesture that is purported to mean, "Shove it up your ass."  This is sure to make the feminist hysteria even shriller, because one thing we all know is that feminists don't do anal. 

"Another meaningless Friday morning ostensibly spent scrubbing the stains off of my back-up copy of Derrida's Dissemination": a purblind jism random discharge

"You think I'll be able to blame it on those two extra-bland and banal Libertine guac tacos she forced down my thin-skinned, Bush-apologist throat last night?

"I didn't think so."

A phenomenological haiku

My signifier
Bitch, I'm being ironic
I know your intent

***
Update:  Am I the only one who understands these fucking graphemes?  Or did I strike a nerve?  Go ahead and wallow in your faux-intellectualism, my "progressive" friends, it only reveals how unserious you are.  I'm taking my server and going home.

Two-Bit Leftists

Breaking, 4:15 pm Mountain standard: I just found " this" at the Litterreport. Don't ask me why Google returned that link on a search for "barely legal" and "Smirnoff." IT'S THE MYTH OF THE LIBERAL MEDIA! Excuse me: monochrome mass media. But I was amused, yet again, to see the liberal obsession with race rear its ugly, objectively pro-atollah, head. They accuse true Americans of saying that Black is White, and quote utopian fiction writer George Orwell's comment about "smelly little orthodoxies."

Now I'm perfectly fine with smelly little doxies of any sort, ortho or otherwise. But the canard about black and white not being the same has been repeated one too many times.

The SCIENTISTS claim that white is the presence of all color, but when I add lots of paint colors together, I get brown, and brown people are called "black." So why all the people on the radical left – not liberals, because I don't call them liberals. I am a classical liberal, and they're all Maoists. Why they suggest that we're wrong in saying white is black and black is white is beyond me.

Let me just ask an imaginary Shannon Doherty what she thinks:

"Imaginary Shannon Doherty, what's with this insistence that white is not black!"

"Its ABOUT THE HIPOCRISY, Jeff!"

***
Update, 4:45 : This web page says that BLACK is the presence of all color, which is what they also say about white. But do you see any coverage of this in the MSM? No! The New York Times fosters the impression that black and white are different, because otherwise how would they print their crap? Be right back: Need to open a new bottle of Stoly.

***
Update, 5:10 I was eating breakfast yesterday evening, and I pinched the waitress. she was black. She said she'd throw me out on my lily-white ass. But what color did Lily Munster wear? BLACK.

In summary, WHITE IS NOT BLACK, and anyone who says the two are the same is objectively pro-nucullah.

***
UPDATE, 6:37: I am given to understand that Jill wears black panties, and Lauren white. Mine are gray. I think you see where I'm going with this.

They used to be white.

*The detergent box said use for colors.* and white is the presence of all colors. ISN'T IT?

I use Biz. I think Biz is the only detergent anyone should use. The Eco-nazis say Tide is rising, but I call bullshit on that. And what's with this ERA shit? Didn't we kill that in like 1977? Lauren? Jill? Roxanne? Amp? Am I right?

And as for this  product, well, 'nuff said.

***
UPDATE, 6:59: In comments, NODOEZ brings to my attention this objectively Islamofascist product. It really gets those burkas moderately clean! Remember their motto: "When you see dirt, always say 'aiyaiyaiyialailailailaiyah!'"

"Conservative" columnist and father of the modern paleocon conservative movement William F. Buckley interviews misunderstood cult leader and San Quentin inmate Charles Manson

"Do allow me to assure you, Charles, no need for your customary on-camera antics. Perhaps you'd care to discuss prison reform?"

"Reform this, Fairyboy!"

"Please. Our readers..."

"Hey, what the fuck am I doing here with you, anyway?"

"Very good. We come to a key question. This is a simple contrivance, an entirely fictional  meeting of minds, if you will, the purpose for which a computer website of right-wing political bent shall host, among countless other items of illuminating fascination for that website's readership, this! Our very conversation!"

"Uh... wow! Trip-pin'!"

"It's of some quandary to the mind, is it not, this clever concept? The very cleverness of it is enough to cause me excitement and, resultantly, to entirely vomit!"

"Wingnut blogs. Yeah, I know all about that shit."

"Do you, Sir? And this despite your present and very probably permanent incarceration? Kudos!  Appareo Decet Nihil Munditia? Ex cathedra!"

"Hey, what'd ya think, Man? Everyone in the Joint is an idiot, man?? An asshole??  I'm GOD, man! Dig???"

"Are you, then? Christ, hmm?"

"Yeah!! Uh...well, so... God!! I'm your worst nightmare, Hombre! I'm bad, man!! I'm everywhere, hombre! I'm... I'm.... coming to get ya!!"

 

"Now, now, Charles. Do calm down."

 

 

"Oh, very well.  Honestly, I feel the fool.  Par-don! Merci!"

"De ri-en, il est de peu consequence, une questi-ohn tres petite, je peut vous asurer! You're among friends, here, after all...  having long since done your part as use to our lower-browed media, and so on, to vilify the so called hippie social trend to our middle classes,  all those opposed to such simplistic depictions being, ipso facto, and so on, condoners of mass murder by inference.  Before you came along, militant, roving mass murderers who made an impression on general history weren't  unbathed flower people taking too many drugs-- they were more like, you know...  rich people, or at least financed by same. Something had to be done.  I say well done! My hat is off to you, sir."

"You holding?"